ULUVO - So I went into a cocoon...
This is the first article I am writing this year after a very challenging time of facing my anxiety as a freelance writer
In fairness, last year I was privileged to start writing articles on my column for AfricaWorld newspaper and I’ve had a fantastic time writing for them.
Well our website was shut down.
Fortunately the team is working on a new one and should be in place pretty soon.
Through my process, I've realized that there will be more rivers to cross for me to be able to say that I am good enough, and a confident writer that I hope to be.
I have realized that this writing will not be easy, it is something that needs time, hard work, dedication and patience, and that can’t be achieved overnight. So I went into a cocoon, into hiding sort of . I wanted to hide because I wasn’t ready to face my own flaws. I wasn’t ready to face my own music. With diminishing confidence, I slowly put my pen away.
Worse decision of my life. I had to connect back to my vision.
You see, even when I told myself that I couldn’t do it, or maybe I wasn’t good enough, or I made numerous errors. I still loved to write. I still dreamed of my passion. And giving up was never an option. This is my territory, and I can't leave my territory.
Writing about my life is still the most important thing I want to do, hopefully it will, and can inspire others to do the same too, as we need to write our own stories for our own generations to come.
I knew that I want to dig deeper until my last nerve. I had to try again. I decided, then came back to that place where it all started, my dreams.
Therefore on December I went home to Africa for a short break, and as part of my healing process.
To me, going home is the healthiest thing I do whenever I can. It is a place very close to me.
Besides, as a single parent it is very important to me to be the best mother I can be to my children. To feel my best at raising them, and for this reason, taking a break is vital to me, and I am thankful to their fathers for giving me that opportunity by being there for me whenever we need them.
I constantly have the most incredible and intimate time with my family everytime I'm home.
We are wide-spread so I always try to reach to them as much as I can, and also that’s like an opportunity for us to get to see the majestic mountains and hills of Motherland as nature is beautiful.
The highlights of my holidays thou were as soon as I saw my mama.
A beautiful strong black woman who’s worn all hardship yet smiles every day. I see strength in her. I see the glory of God in her. She is the embodiment of a true queen and I love her so much. She is truly one super woman who loves all her children so much. I wish her long life. So as my grandad BV who is the master of my universe.
He is fragile but strong and always in high spirit.
I thank heavens for them.
My aunties who work tirelessly every day, I am so thankful for them.
My cousins who are so humble and sweet, they make life one happy trip, where we ride and jump with a pinch of craze. I truly cannot be without my cousins, I love them so much.
They Actually make my stay home so fun and worthy because they are always my partners in crime, I can never live without them.
December was also a time for new beginnings in our country. The time to elect a new president of the African National Congress (ANC) at the 54th National Elective Conference. Amongst Cyril Ramaphosa and Dr.Nkosazana Dlamini Zuma, I wanted to be around to eyewitness who will move up our country into economic freedom that we so long for. To implement radical economic transformation, amendment of the constitution and to expropriate land without compensation,
I wanted to be part of that change. To see the leadership who will help the ANC come out of the crisis they’ve been facing on issues of a divided party.
Though Cyril Ramaphosa became the elected leader of the ANC as he stands for unity within the ANC, I am not certain he will radically transform the country back for the black people.
Yes, he is a wealthy business man and maybe an economist, but I am not certain that he’s the one.
In place of confidence, he believes that he can unite the ANC before 2019 elections, I am worried that might not succeed to an extent, as I see the same white served propaganda of White monopoly capital programs still hovering.
And also due to his reputation for the Marikana massacre on that day of August 2012, to me I haven’t softened up to the fact that those emails are specific that Ramaphosa was not on the worker’s side.
He exchanged emails with the Lomnin management, for workers to be harshly dealt with, and following day thirty-four innocent workers lost their lives on that mountain top in Marikana for a sufficient living wage demand, which is good enough from a wealthy corporation like Lomnin that distributes tons of Africa’s raw minerals out of the country daily.
To me Ramaphosa evidently contributed into the shootings of those innocent workers, and if somebody is responsible for such loss of life, the law should prevail, and those individuals be prosecuted. (My opinion.)
Yes, he later apologized for that involvement but still my view of Mr. Ramaposa will remain that Ramaphosa doesn’t have squeaky clean hands as many might wish, or we simply suffering from amnesia.
On a lighter note though, my stay home was very good and much enjoyable.
I walked the streets of Jozi, Alexander, Soweto, Rosebank and other beautiful places, and saw the most vibrant, colorful, friendliest people who breath just like me.
I’ve been to the Steve Biko Memorial Centre in King Williams Town with my cousins, I’ve been to East London Mdantsane to visit my mom and siblings.
I drove past the mountains of the Eastern Cape where nature is so rich and comes alive for centuries and centuries of existence.
I even went to church where my son Tiro was baptized.
I think it is safe to say that after so many years of deserting the church, I was amazed by the warmth I felt by being in the presence of worshipping folks. I felt so peaceful too. The priest remained very engaging with the people, preaching about blackness and telling stories of where he came from.
I found that moment very powerful and spiritually awakening, just what I needed.
You see, you don’t essentially have to follow a prayer book to know God.
God stays in us all. We just need to tune in from time to time.
I’m since back in Ireland. I must admit that I have missed it, also will try and not think too much about home, but rather appreciate my stay here too.
I’m really in a good place right now in my life, feeling calm, rejuvenated and ready to write again.
The year of 2018 will bring more good vibes, more success, prosperity, hard work, a new body, a new kind of attitude to life, and mostly a very affectionate mother to my fruits.
Until the next time..
Read Vuyo's writings on www.africaworldnews.org or Facebook.